I can’t believe how long it’s been since I’ve written in my blog. So much has happened, not much of it good.  I’m so tired of the bad luck that surrounds me, especially the bad luck that’s self induced.

After my last post in January, my Mom was hospitalized twice in less than a month for a bad kidney infection. The first time, we almost lost her, she had developed sepsis and her vital organs were failing.  She was in the hospital for almost 2 weeks that time, then less than 2 weeks later she was back in the hospital again for the same thing. Only this time it was caught much earlier so it was easier to treat.  The Dr told me after the last hospitalization that I should start “preparing” myself, that this is going to continue to happen.  She’s been doing ok for the most part, she’s still dealing with minor kidney infections but we’ve been staying on top of things so we’re able to keep her from going septic, at least for now.  I’m so scared, I just can’t even imagine my world without my Mom in it.

********************DISCLAIMER, FOLLOWING SECTION NOT FOR THE WEAK STOMACH**********************

I had minor “surgery” on my big toe on both of my feet.  For as long as I can remember I’ve had horrible trouble with ingrown toenails on both feet.  Unless you’ve dealt with it, you just don’t understand. I walked around in a constant state of “watch my toes, don’t bump or stub my toes and God forbid someone step on them”.  It was awful. If I could get to the nail and get it out, I was usually good for at least 2-3 weeks and then it would start again. Well the last time I had to dig one out, it got infected, and I ended up swallowing my pride (because I’ve always been embarrassed by having ingrown toenails) and I called my Dr, who immediately referred me to a podiatrist.  The podiastrist was awesome and gave me 2 options, he could clean it out, give me antibiotics and send me on my way, or he could do a quick, in office procedure where he would numb the toe and basically cut the outer edges of the toenail off and kill the root so that the nail wouldn’t grow back. So I opted for the second, as long as I had been suffering, I needed permanent relief.  I asked him, if he could do both big toes since I have issues with both, he said sure no problem.

Can I just say, I’m glad I had the procedure, I’m so excited to never have to worry about ingrown toenails ever again, but, would I go through that procedure again, not a chance.  As crazy as it sounds, I would recommend this procedure to anyone who’s been dealing with ingrown toenails for any amount of time, however, I don’t know if I’m brave enough to have to go through it again.  The procedure itself wasn’t so horrible, but the numbing up of my toes, YIKES!

******************YUCKY STUFF OVER*********************

In other news, my brother may be moving back to the St. Louis area later this year.  I know I should be ashamed of myself, but I’m really dreading the thought of him moving back here.  He’s currently stationed at Camp Lejune, NC.  but there is a spot opening up for a Navy Corpmen at Scott Air Force Base, IL.  Which is only about 45 mins away from where we are.  In a way, I think it would be great to have him back, but my thoughts are purely selfish. I think about how it would be easier for me when I go on vacation, I am the only visitor who ever really goes to see my Mom, except for the token visits on birthdays, and holidays and special requests, I’m all she’s got.  This always makes me feel guilty about going on vacation, that I’m leaving her with noone, so the idea of Mark being around does make me feel better.  However, my brother and I have always had a very rocky relationship, and I just don’t know how this will play out.  As it is, when he comes into town, I am in a constant state of turmoil, the last time I actually developed an ulcer.  So the idea of living that way 24/7, not so fun. 

The adoption is still moving forward, unfortunately not a very speedy pace. Currently we still have about 15-16 months to wait, but we know that wait time is going to continue to increase too.  They’re still matching babies with families who’ve been waiting since March 7, 2006.  I know of one family who has been waiting since April of 2006 and they’re telling her that she shouldn’t expect a referral before January of 2010.  Almost 4 years of waiting for them.  Soooooo I anticipate our wait is barely half over and as of March 29th, we will have officially been waiting for 2 years. 

So you would think this is a great time for me to focus on myself for a bit, lose weight and get my life and my health in order. So why am I not doing that????

Yet again, this thick chick has fallen off the weight loss wagon, and apparently this time she just sat on her fat ass and let the wagon roll on ahead without her. I hate the way I feel about myself.  So why don’t I do something about it.

Well I’m really going to try to refocus and get my momentum back. I plan on going back to Curves starting tomorrow evening and working out at least 3 days a week.  I’m going to start tracking my food intake on my Weight Watchers etools and I’m hopefully going to get the scale moving in the right direction again. I had said I wanted to lose 37 pounds by my 37th birthday, which is July 4th. 

It’s going to be tough, but I really think I can do it.